Practical Tools
Getting back to baseline is an uphill climb, particularly when something re-traumatises you. People get caught up in the loop of counselling for years with little or no progress. I’ve read so many comments online over the years of people saying that they go into a therapy session, they get opened up then sent home. Leaving them flailing within the trauma loop with the lid of Pandora’s box wide open. Finding that they can’t function properly with ignited anxiety or defensive dissociation. Along with physical ailments manifesting & emotional turmoil brewing for days after.
Usually they’ve not been given techniques to calm the mind & body back down again, to cope with daily function. More often than not, we have to learn these techniques for ourselves. Unless we are lucky enough to find a somatic therapist who’s local & available.
When you feel down & it’s hard to get yourself going, especially when isolated. A good resource that I find helpful is to have a personal “emotional pick me up book”. Getting lost under layers of trauma & stress can be soul destroying. Making you forget who you really are at your core. Keeping a DIY self-help book serves to reinforce & remember.
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Just as you would keep a general note book with things that interest & inspire, you can make the contents of your emotional pick me up book, to be whatever resonates with you. Adding to it weekly helps to reinforce the good habit of self reflection & self love reaffirmation. Complete as you go as a long term project. Listed below are some examples from mine.
Emotional Pick Me Up Note Book Contents;
Capabilities & Potentials -
l I have the potential to let go of what no longer serves me.
l I am capable of keeping an open mind.
l I am capable of seeing both sides of the story.
l I have the potential to find hope.
l I have the capacity to expand my consciousness.
Contributions & Successes -
l I exceed my work targets often.
l I can make friend’s easily.
l I paid off some debts by myself. Within my targeted time frame.
l I did voluntary work for a children’s charity.
Self Esteem -
l Acting with respect & integrity promotes higher self esteem.
l Life is hard enough, try not to be too hard on yourself.
l Negative & insecure thinking can spiral out of control, recognise & remove the negative self talk.
l Genuine self esteem is based on humility & an acceptance of your short comings.
Confidence -
l Standing up for yourself. Taking risks.
l Trust in yourself & confidence will flow.
l Relationships - Drains & radiators, let go of those who drain you & hang onto those who shine a light. The failed one were practice to move on to a better situation. Seek first to understand in communication.
l Core Values - Appreciation, fairness, creativity, good manners, courtesy, humility, frugality.
l Deal Breakers - Deviance, tech-obsessed, bigoted, narrow minded, addiction, no empathy.
Visualisations
l use positive imagery to change a mental state. Breath in the light, breath out the dark.
l Invasive thoughts can represent carriages on a train.
l Watch the train pass without jumping onto a carriage.
l Think of a good memory & hold in in your mind for as long as you can.
Affirmations
From Buddhism; May I be calm, may I be happy, may I be free of suffering. Can apply to others too, may they be calm, may they be happy, may they be free of suffering. My thoughts flow freely and easily and I move through ideas with ease. I am open to the wisdom within.
Anger
l Empowerment helps dissipate anger.
l A healthy level of aggression asserts a clear boundary.
l Under anger is sadness & disappointed.
Grief
l Forgive yourself for what you did or did not know.
l Grief can often be described as left over anger, bitterness, blame, cynicism, hostility, grudges, resentment, self hate, sarcasm.
l All life is in a constant state of change.
Self Doubt
l Usually stems from anger & shame.
l Internalising others criticism creates leads to self doubt.
Having heard about some neuroscience studies, linking gratitude with the benefits of rewiring the brain by strengthening positive neuro receptors, I was hopeful to give it a try. When depression strikes, at first this seems like a difficult task. Patterns of resistance, make you feel like you are trying to retrieve a boot that’s stuck in the mud. That inner critic tries to hook you with;
1. What if I’m just at home & not going anywhere for the day?
2. What if I’m having a bad day with fatigue & a pain flare?
3. What have I got to be grateful for when I’m in pain all the time?
This is where the simplest of things in life come into focus. Examples can be as obvious as having enough spoons in the drawer to the sun shining bright through the bedroom window upon waking. I’m always grateful when I’ve forgotten that I’ve emptied the dishwasher the night before. And it’s something less that I have to do in my morning routine. Giving me an extra 10 minutes to myself.
The general consensus is to try for at least 10 things to be grateful fore throughout the day. Then to renew them daily, increasing the list to 20 or as many as you can manage. Here are 30 examples from my gratitude diary.
Gratitude List;
1. Parking space in the D Section
2. Favourite foods on sale
3. A good 3 way discussion that flows
4. My child’s reaction to fluffy snowflakes
5. Quietness upon waking
6. A requested film popping up on a subscription service
7. Songs I like playing in the MOT centre
8. Switched on physical therapists
9. Neighbour sharing home grown vegetables
10. Sunshine breaking through a grey day
11. Finding something I’d lost
12. Smell of Cardamom
13. Warmth & comfort of my duvet
14. Funny & heart warming animal videos
15. Fresh sheets after a bath
16. Not having to rush the housework
17. Menstrual cycle arriving on time
18. Finding something in the fridge I forgotten about
19. Text off my child as soon as I wake up
20. Cucumber left over for juicing
21. Bird song
22. Birds nesting in the garden
23. New books arriving on time for when Im ready to read them
24. No rush on the school run
25. Heat cushion making my pain bearable
26. Longer lasting light bulbs
27. Cute things my child says
28. Renewed concentration after the house is fully cleaned
29. Freezer is full of food
30. The vibrant colours of my plants in the garden
Journaling
Daily journalling is good for keeping track of your mental state. If things are on repetitive then something underlying needs addressing. Working through the triggers & underlying stuck feelings. Keeping track of emotions, helps unglue the sticky ones. Open up by writing it down - J Pennebaker PHD & J Smyth PHD recommend to write first thing in the morning. Starting with 20 minutes a day for a few days a week. When the negative critical parent voice kicks in, get it on paper to externalise that voice. Quietening the mind from the deluge of the “didn’t do’s” of yesterday.
Or if you are on a tangent of regret, the self flagellation leads to stuff you didn’t do 5, 10 or 15 years ago. The idea is to let go & not over-think it, let your hands go with the flow & get it out on paper. It can be easy to fall into the trap of page filling though when you can’t fully connect. It could be 10 minutes of warm up waffle to take off. It’s not everyone’s forte to open up in writing. You know how the saying goes, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try & try again”. Have a 30 minute break in between tries, if need be on a really bad day. Work out what time scale works best.
If you struggle with this you could do a spider gram or mind map then write it into sentences from there on. Being a lover of lists, bullet points help for a quick purge of pros & cons. You’re know you are making progress when you have more pros on your lists.
If like me, you can’t read your own handwriting, another good option is to talk into your voice recorder on your phone. Listen back to it later the day or maybe the following day, if it makes your feelings invalidated. Then delete the recording to reinforce letting go of negative feelings. Especially helpful if you have no one to talk to, a solo talk out loud rant & vent is good for the soul.
